Its after 11 PM and I am settling down for the night (early for a change) – Ok not early enough for my tastes but early than lately.  As I showered I had this burning urge to write about the importance of making time for those you love.  I’m thinking, OK its been a long day, I’ll get to it in the morning.  Well, I know how my inner spirit works and usually I regret not moving on things when urged.  So here I am passing this message to those who will listen.

I was reflecting back over the summer months, even further than I would imagine my mind traveling in this brief moment before I found myself sitting at my computer to share something with you.  I recalled the visit from my sister recently and the time we spent with our children together.  The smiles, the laughing, the late night talks the good food and sharing.  I also found myself looking at how my children are growing up so fast!  In less than a couple of years my oldest will be considered an adult (by age standards) and my twins – oh how they have grown. 

I remember going every day to the hospital holding them, singing to them, praying over them to hurry and grow so they could come home because they were born early at 30 weeks gestation.  Now at 10, they are healthy, strong and thriving.  Actually my oldest twin made honor roll TWICE!!  His sister missed it but made higher testing scores (go figure).  I can say the same for my youngest son who was also a preemie but looking at him, you wouldn’t have known it.  I swear his intelligence and common sense floors me.  He’s definitely an old soul.  My second oldest, the gentle bear of the family.  He’s the most loving and nurturing young man I know for his age and they all make me so proud.

I thought to myself, you know – I don’t care how tough it gets – I am blessed and the luckiest person in the world.  We don’t have a lot of flashy things but we have what matters most and that’s love and respect for one another.  Don’t get me wrong, we are NOT a perfect family.  We have our days and then I have my own outside of the days with them.  No matter how much I count the three (ok two) nerves I think I have left, I make time and wouldn’t trade what I have for nothing in the world!  The grass IS greener from where I sit.  Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with our loved ones that we trade them in for something we think is different.  Sometimes we act as though they don’t exist.  Sometimes, we even look them in the eyes and treat them so – as though we don’t want to make the time for them.

Sitting down having meals with my children (which is 98% of the time), watching their faces, listening to their conversations and opinions makes me grateful for being able to do so.  Yes, I am a single parent with five children and Yes its not enough time in the day (believe me I know this better than anyone).  BUT, I make time for what’s important. I make time for me, although I’d like more of it.  Wait a minute (sending message to the universe as I type to double ME TIME).   I make time for my children, my family, and my friends. We all should make time for the things that matters most to us, don’t you think?  I certainly do.

One day I was speaking with someone who was deathly ill and they shared something valuable with me.  They said that if they could do anything differently they would wish that they made time for the people that mattered the most to them.  They would not have wasted time letting ill feelings take so many years away from them and their loved ones.  They said they wished they had said I’m sorry.  They wished they had not made excuses for not spending time or attending their children’s special events and acknowledgements.  How many of us are already feeling this way and to our knowledge – isn’t knocking on death’s door?  Why wait for that day?  Who say’s you will know before hand if you will get that chance or time.

Take a moment to reflect back and see where you can improve in the areas of your life where you can make the time.  Are you chasing the all mighty dollar to the point you have lost your direction on the road to what matter’s most?  Are you making excuses to not listen to your child’s excitement over the things that matters most to them?  Even if its how they figured out how to ride a bike you weren’t there to witness.  How many times did you spend time with the fella’s or your girl friends when that special someone could have used your opinion or support on something that was troubling them?  How many would rather stay late at work to avoid going home and making time for what’s needed of them there?

There are so many reasons why there isn’t enough time in the day but there isn’t nearly enough reasons not to make time for what matter’s most.  School starts in my area shortly (yeah – I know for many who are wondering that’s a short summer).  And I was shopping for clothes for the kids early (and you all can imagine shopping for five on a tight budget what that’s like – running to every sale and store who has one with all of the kids in tow).  Well, what stands out in my mind to share with you about this is how my youngest two son’s were persuasively suggesting that I buy these cool shirts they saw that came with little radios.  They were cheap little radios that left me wondering if they really would work AFTER you bought the shirts.  For the life of me, I couldn’t get them to let it go and wondered why they would want the little pieces of junk (or at least in my mind). 

But then it occurred to me, that’s kids for ya!  They don’t care about cost (even tho these were El-cheapo), whether it might work for a minute or a week later.  They just thought it was cool and wanted it.  I said, OK like a sucker (LOL), well the $10 bucks sold me.  Anyway, they wanted to open the shirts with the toys up immediately.  I said no, wait until school starts.  I don’t know why that came out of my mouth (LOL).  They looked at me like I was crazy and said why?  Then it occurred to me, why make them wait to enjoy something today that may not be promised tomorrow.  It made me think about that fact that nothing is really guaranteed or promised to any of us.

So back to my point.  Whether its something mundane as the example I just gave or something more serious.  Make the time for what matters most.  Enjoy those you love and cherish the time with them NOW.  Watching the joy in their little eyes and excitement of hearing Beyonce on the little radio with other songs thrilled them to death.  Yeah, I know a month from now those little radio’s may be in file 13 in a corner of their room but I am enjoying them and their happy time right now. 

Don’t wait until its too late.  Once today is gone, you know you can’t get that time back even if you wanted to.  Don’t consciously create your regrets when you have power to act in the moment.  Remember every moment does eventually count, so make the time and enjoy doing it with those who matters most.

Have a good night!

Are you really happy with YOU?

Are you finding yourself feeling good about your life, the people in it or your circumstances?  If no is the answer for any reason, then a self-check is in order!  I’ve always talked about how important gratitude is for manifesting your heart’s desire but what if you really don’t like the skin you are in?  What then?

Well I’m not one to try to tell anyone how to be something they’re not.  Because I know all too well how futile that really is in the end.  But what I can share with you is that it takes time and practice to become happy with yourself and it’s not the quick fix that some portray it to be or an overnight sorta thing.  In order to get there, one must have some sensibility about this process in understanding that first, it’s indeed a process.  It is a process of self-discovery, self-analysis, acceptance, forgiveness and unconditional love.  Then and only then  can you take it step by step, thought by thought, moment by moment in constructing this “new you” that you can be proud of and happy with.  As I’ve always said, at the end of the day – you have to live with you, what you did and choose to do.  So why not start out feeling good and at peace about it.

If you are not happy then the first thing on the agenda is that YOU need to do something about it!  Not your Momma, Daddy, Husband or Wife, Kids, Neighbors, Spiritual Advisor or Jenny Craig.  Now, don’t get me wrong, because any of the above formentioned can be extremely beneficial or supportive to you.  Hell, I like that Jenny Craig program personally.  However, my point is that YOU are the one who has the power and control to change any circumstance, situation or decision that YOU make.  You can’t control anyone EVER, not the banks, not the people around you and so on and so on.  And if you are “seemingly” in that position of controlling others now, I can promise you it’s only temporary.  You can only control YOU.

Loving oneself can be one of the hardest things to do from a position of balance (no ego trips), confidence and self-understanding.  Why do I say this?  Because I see it all the time with folks.  For one, I know from experience.  And two, because it’s natural to NOT LIKE something about ourselves initially.  But we learn to fully embrace ourselves with FULL ACCEPTANCE.  We can easily lie to ourselves, can’t we?  And oh the lies we tell ourselves and everybody else who would buy what we couldn’t truly sell to ourselves in this regard.  But in the end, it’s how you really feel about yourself, what you do and how you do it which tells the true tale isn’t it?  Not what you’ve tried to convince yourself of.

Learn to embrace your uniqueness because you are truly that.  There is a saying that great minds think alike.  But what I know for sure that is truly unique about that statement is that no two great minds are exactly alike.  Diversity is a beautiful thing and we are amongst a wide variety of that with each other on this planet, in our creativeness, personalities, appearances, talents, tastes, etc.  Who wants to be exactly like someone else?  I know I don’t.  I like many of you appreciate those I can look up to and take some positive direction from but I know and understand that I am one of a kind, just as you are one of a kind.  We all are here to make what’s unique about our individual selves more beautiful to ourselves with the opportunity to strive beyond measure if we so choose.  No need to keep up with the Jones’, Smith’s, or the likes.  Do YOU and be the best at it!   There are tons of role models and people who have made great contributions to society, humanity, the planet, etc. But there isn’t another like YOU that can bring a different perspective, twist or approach to your life, your world but YOU.

Learn to love yourself, accept yourself, embrace your whole self and be proud of yourself.  From the little things that seem insignificant to the great things that make a difference.  You are here to be the best you can be.  By doing that, you have to experience some things that you don’t like to know the difference, to learn to accept them or to change them to what you do like.  Understand that no one is perfect but breathe in that realism and embrace it rather than hear it and then later judge yourself by it.

Embracing YOU is an ever changing process because you are always changing, stretching, evolving and growing.  So there will never be a one-way, one-view, etched in stone road map to the multidimensional self – called YOU!  So pick up your paintbrush and paint more of the beautiful self that you are, that you want to be and strive to grow into this new you while loving every morsel of experience along the way.

Here’s to YOU  – All that you are and to all that you will become!

Yours in Spirit,
Christmas

I hope this blog finds those who come across it in good spirits, harmony and in balance.  If not, perhaps this is timely that you have found your way to my page.  It’s been an interesting few weeks of observation and learning for many people including myself.  Of course, I try to contemplate over things, analyze them when necessary and take away from the experience what is most prudent to my advancement.  We all should do this for ourselves and if you are one who does not, perhaps now is the time to implement a new approach to growth.

The past several weeks have been interesting because prior to now a lot of individuals have been having intense struggles with learning to release and let go.  I say this not because it’s “a new thing”, on the contrary.  Releasing and letting go has been a huge part of the ebb and flow of life since the beginning of time.  What I find interesting is the intensity of it recently and also the synchrony of me having to speak at a private event this week to a large group of young folks on this topic among other things.  Ironically, the last several weeks have been personally experiential to the subject matter as well.

It seems countless individuals I know personally and professionally have been taking the same train ride.  I was just discussing over dinner with some friends about accelerated learning and someone stated it seems everything has been kicked into high gear in this regard.  Actually, I totally agree.  Personally, I have felt kind of shafted in this regard of learning at times and believe me I can laugh about this now.  It seems my learning’s have always been intense, fast and hard in many ways BUT it’s helped me be who I am today as well as for what I am being groomed to do later.  But again, as I’ve often said, it’s not the path that everyone must take, have to take or need to take.  Everyone is groomed and primed differently to handle and deal with certain things for a reason. 

Life is like a box of chocolates sometimes, especially if you “love” chocolates <smile>.  Me on the other hand, I don’t necessary adore them like most folks do but I appreciate the diversity, flavors, colors and textures that it comes in.  So in that respect, I appreciate chocolates <smile>.  So what about those things that we love and adore, perhaps even obsess with or have such a strong tie to that it could be toxic to our own welfare, despite the pleasure that we derive from it.  How does one let go or release these things?  That’s where the decision can become…shall we say…..a struggle.  When you find that you are not in balance or have inner peace then it’s time to re-evaluate whether certain circumstances, situations, or people are contributing to that.  I say contributing because we are always our own gatekeeper.  And at the end of the day, it was us who allowed the situations, persons or circumstances into our experience.  I personally believe it starts at home first.  In other words, one must look at themselves and ask where I am projecting this energy in my life that I now find I am experiencing it in my environment to now have to release it and let something go. 

If we all take a hard and honest look at this first step, then it makes the healing and next step of releasing and letting go easier.  When we are in love the dynamics are very different but the same principle should be applied but to one’s self first.  In other words, if you are in a toxic situation where there is an imbalance amongst other things, then you have to ask yourself where your love for self is.  If you are not respecting, loving and expecting the best for yourself, then how can you expect another person to fill those shoes and be a compatible partner or vibrational match to you?  I’ve had to ask myself that question and had the painful realization that even when a situation isn’t toxic, there can be levels of imbalance that would pose the question of “If I truly loved myself – would I allow this or that?” and had to let someone I loved go.   

But hold on to your pantyhose, it’s not all that morbid in retrospect because when one can truly love themselves enough – enough to know they deserve better,  enough to LET GO of what doesn’t work to ALLOW IN what does and can, enough to forgive themselves or those who have wronged them, enough to be grateful for the experience and to do it differently next time, enough to say that despite how bad I want it – it’s not good for me, enough to trust in knowing that they will have what they deserve, and enough to not allow pain, fear, discomfort or loneliness to beguile them from their point of focus because in truth – when one truly loves themselves enough – you get that energy back 100 fold.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s regarding the affairs of the heart, health or business matters. 

You see, energy doesn’t discriminate nor has favorites.  On the contrary, energy is attracted to more of the same even with the best intentions.  When we are in the bowels of negative energy or allow more of it into our lives by the choices we make then we allow more of the same.  It can destroy any positive promise of tomorrow based on the negative choices and actions of today.  We only have now time and if we are blessed to be on the other side of it (meaning to see tomorrow) then we can review in hind-sight, learn from the experience and continue to strive to be better.  

Today, our world in which we live in is teaching us/demanding that we learn to release and let go – it is vital and necessary, especially when we engage in negative thought patterns, habits and even practices.  It is even more necessary to let go as a general rule of thumb because we then allow the highest and best into our experience. So ask yourself while you are releasing and letting go next time – Do you really LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to do so and if so watch how it becomes easier to release and let go as you move through your life experience no matter how difficult or painful. 

What I know for sure about Releasing and Letting Go:

1. I know that in doing so, it takes great courage and strength to face your fears or insecurities with an uncertainty of what is to come;

2. Releasing and Letting go means, ALLOWING.  It means allowing that which you deserve and desire in the best way that is can possibly manifest in your life.

3. Releasing and Letting Go also means TRUSTING.  It means that you will not try to control that which you cannot control or fear what you cannot control and trusting that you will get your heart’s desire.  

To all the women who carry the role and title of mother – Happy Mother’s Day to you – You are Loved – You are Appreciated – You are Noticed.  I wanted to post my words of respect to those Mom’s who give selflessly to their children and families everyday.  I honor you because I know as a mother it takes love, patience and sometimes fortitude to show up everyday.  Being a Mother is a loving sacrifice that one chooses.  There are days you may not feel much like Mom but you do what needs to be done – you show up – you are there.

Today, although typical of any other sunday except I decided to give myself the day off.  It’s important to just stop and breathe.  Many of you Mom’s out there know at times it’s difficult to do this but you must at least try if only for one day or one hour.  Me, my life is like a whirlwind literally at times and my days start at 5:30 AM and ends… well it ends later than I would like at times but that’s what it is like in my world of Motherhood at least for the moment.  There are days that I reflect back to my maternal grandmother and how she LOVED her children, grandchildren, the neighborhood children – children in general and she never complained about her role as a Mother.

Me, I am guilty as charged if I am to be completely honest about the complaining but I have learned that it doesn’t change anything – it gives one more reasons to find other things to complain about.  So when I catch myself doing that (and I have to catch myself these days – I have a teenager), I think of my Grandmother and how she would get on anyone who complained about the blessings of children.  Of course she had 19 of them, my mother being the last child and a twin.  So I got to thinking – for my Gra’Mama to do what she did all those years until she died at the age of 103 and not complain – I would begin to feel silly and refer to her words of wisdom and comfort and immediately shut my mouth.  In a lot of ways she could be likened to the character Job.  Although she wasn’t a rich woman in material things, she was rich in spirit, patience and an ambassador of unconditional love.  I do not exaggerate here and for anyone who knows what it was like to be in her presence or to experience her kindness and generosity you would understand why I say this.  Many did and she became like a mother to a lot of people.

We are so used to giving our all as Mom’s that we forget to take care of ourselves at times.  If you are truly a giving and nurturing person in general, you will understand this issue as well.  Moving on now…..I digress a little….I enjoyed my morning coffee and little tokens, hugs and kisses from all of my children except my youngest.  He waited and hesitantly came to my room and handed me his card he made.  I asked him why we was feeling so shy about it and he said he wanted to give me something more than just a card.  I hugged him and gave him a big fat kiss and said, gimme my card – anything you give Mommy is GREAT because it’s from you.  I opened the card and read it and was tickled pink about his words.

I asked him if he wrote it all by himself or did his teacher help, he said no I wrote it but she printed it out in a very matter-of-fact and proud way.  Yep, should have known better than to ask him, my youngest is very matter-of-factly at his age and often looks at people with this – why do you ask the most ridiculous question look at times.  I swear he is too old for his age.  He went on in his card about the things he finds great about me as a Mom (as most Kids do which I am grateful) but what stood out was that he described me as cool.  I found it funny because I would have thought that was the last thing he would say considering I try to run a tight ship best I can.  I asked him why and what he thought was so cool about me and what he said hit a nerve but the type that tears one up.  He said, Mom you are always trying so hard and you never give up no matter what – and you never give up on us!

Needless to say I was deeply touched and it made my heart sing and I will continue to live up to those words.  Every now and then I know we Mom’s think – am I doing this right? Is this enough?  I only have one thing to say in closing – keep doing the best you can and keep loving your children as hard as you can.  Trust that you are doing the best you can right now.

• To all the Mom’s who think that your efforts and words of encouragement are falling on deaf ears – NEVER GIVE UP!
• To all the Mom’s who are trying hard and some with hardly anything to work with – NEVER GIVE UP!
• To all the single Mom’s who feel you are alone – NEVER GIVE UP!
• To all the Mom’s who show up everyday as a parent for your children – NEVER GIVE UP!
• To all the Mom’s who feel their child has fallen by the way side – NEVER GIVE UP!

Be an example of love, persistence and forgiveness and never- ever give up!