Confidence is Sexy!

We’ve all been in the position where it feels like we are invisible to the world. Whether you are looked over for a big promotion at work or the attractive guy next door doesn’t seem to know that you exist. As a single woman in modern society, it’s easy to feel bombarded with advice on how we should look, feel, and think to be the most attractive or approachable to others.

Although this advice is well-intended, it’s rare that it resonates with us as individual, divine, female beings. Too often we must mind our steps, dumb down our uniqueness or dull our light to avoid sending the wrong signals. You know the ones; such as:

• Sending the unintended message that my confidence expressed or comfort with my body is an invitation for sex or unwanted advances.
• Not allowing my intellectual brilliance to shine because it might make others feel uncomfortable or seem that I am trying to usurp them.
• Discomfort with expressing my natural and intuitive wisdom or talents because others don’t understand it, aren’t open-minded or willing to accept me as I am.
• Failure of speaking up or standing up for myself to only be labeled a troublemaker, difficult woman or threat.

Unfortunately, when it comes to effective communication, technology has helped to create so many barriers to encouraging real, authentic, and inviting interaction between human beings. With the prevalence of impersonal communication in modern society and the hectic rush of daily life, we might be left wondering if there is actually any real way to be more approachable to the world around us.

While most of us don’t want to be in the spotlight all of the time, it is still validating as a person to have others acknowledge you and make an effort to start an interaction. Becoming more approachable to those around you is often much simpler than the women’s magazines, and online dating advice columns make it out to be. Our energy is our most powerful tool when it comes to communication, and being seen as “approachable” begins with an awareness of what we are putting out to others.

If you’d like to start the journey to become more approachable, begin with these simple steps:

1) Focus on your inner work
The first step to approachability is connecting with our internal power, energy, and emotion. Take time every day to quiet your mind and go within yourself. For some of us, this can seem like a daunting task with all of the responsibilities you have. Nonetheless, it boils down to a choice. You must choose you first and make the time. Once you quiet your mind and go within, ask yourself; Does your energy feel blocked off? Are you holding on to negative feelings or self-talk? Clear this energy and visualize sending pure light out to the world around you. Most importantly visualize yourself clear and free, uninhibited and ready to receive all that you want. Then let it go. When you fixate on what you are working on, desire, you become stuck or worried about when and if. When you visualize it, let it go and do the steps necessary to keep moving forward to align with what you want, it will show up.

2) Be aware of your body language
Once we’ve cleared our energetic field, the next step is becoming more aware of the body language we use on a daily basis. Over 90% of human communication is non-verbal – making body language an essential aspect of approachability! While out in public, remind yourself to make eye contact with others, smile, laugh, and hold your head up high. Self-confidence is like a magnet to those around you. This statement is very true. The more you smile, genuinely open and friendly to others, people will respond accordingly. I’ve also witnessed this approach defuse someone who is in a negative state of mind or behavior as well.

3) Limit the negativity
We’ve all been around someone who complains throughout every conversation – and it can be exhausting. Venting can have its time and place, but negative words make it much more difficult to be seen as approachable. During your communication with people, you are just getting to know, steer the conversation towards positive topics. If you find yourself on that negative soapbox, stop yourself and immediately do something positively distracting, fun or take a nap. Yes, if you can, sleeping and resting will calm your body and mind. When you wake, don’t pick up the thoughts and feelings again, steer yourself towards something positive.

4) Stay present in the moment
Talk about a power move for yourself; then this is it. The most approachable people are those that create a feeling of connection and presence when communicating with others. If a person appears distracted or unfocused, it is difficult for others to strike up a conversation. Mindfulness can be an excellent tool for helping you to stay in the beauty of the moment in order to build a connection with the world around you. When someone feels you are fully present, it creates a connection and an appreciation that you are paying attention. Not only would being fully present a sign of respect it demonstrates you are paying attention, and are open to communication and dialogue. I don’t know anyone who willingly wants to feel ignored or that they are wasting their time with someone who’s not paying attention to them.

5) Recognize when you need to do you and only you
Sometimes we’re just not emotionally ready for others to approach us. Why? Because we may be carrying old wounds, fears and hurts around and believe me, it shows. Although you may not be posting a literal sign on your forehead that says “Avoid me I’m still working through some S@$%@,” people will feel it and see it in your body language. If you are aware that this is true for you, you should work on healing first. Then when you have healed; your vibration will be much stronger, higher and positive.

Coming across as an approachable woman goes much deeper than your appearance or status. It will become evident you are approachable because of the energy you exude. Honestly, it’s all about the energy, confidence, and presence you give out to the world. Like most things in life, approachability comes down to embracing our self-worth. When we honor ourselves and love who we are, others are bound to be drawn to your presence.