Are yours working for you?
Two crucial facts of this reality we live in; 1) Life is the GREATEST teacher, and 2) You never get too old to learn. Another interesting fact that many of us seem to gloss over in our day-to-day living is LIFE is all about relationships. Relationships are necessary for us to learn and grow emotionally. They are designed to help us see ourselves through our relationships with others and improve as human beings. At the same time, relationships can be the most misunderstood and challenging experience for most people. But if you start with a healthy relationship with yourself, then ultimately, relationships with others can be the most rewarding experience of a lifetime.
Right now, in this present moment, think about all of your relationships, professional and personal. Are they meaningful or just superficial? Most importantly, are they satisfying? Because relationships shape our dynamics with each other, it’s crucial to define which relationships are important and how to nurture them. But first, I suggest you redefine your relationship with yourself. Think about your current needs and how those relationships fit into your future. You aren’t the same person you were five or ten years ago, and your needs and desires have likely changed.
You must determine if you share at a minimum similar interests, values, and temperaments. And most importantly, if this is an attempt at a genuine relationship or if their goal is to use you.[bctt tweet=”Intentions are everything! Everyone who tries to foster a relationship with you may not have good intentions.” username=””]
If you find a relationship that provides a positive add-value component, and it’s balanced, you’re off to a great start! If the experience gives you what you need, then perhaps it may be worth investing in that relationship.
Keep in mind that ALL relationships operate on a “give and take” scale until they become imbalanced from one side, taking more than they give. If the latter, over time, the relationship will break-down because one side isn’t getting what they need from it. How many of us have been there on the short end of that stick? And this takes me to my point.
You should always evaluate and redefine your relationship needs for growth and improvement.
Is it realistic to have relationships that reflect who you are most positively and healthily? Absolutely! But if you find yourself questioning the relationships, or already know their toxic and imbalanced, then are you willing to do what’s necessary to change it?
Or will you leave it to your history and number of years you’ve known them or the uncomfortable “comfort of the familiar” to decide for you? If overall wellbeing, balance, and growth is your goal, then the choice becomes obvious.
Okay …you may be thinking this is all well and good, but what about new relationships?
New relationships can be a bit tricky at first, but you should always allow people to show you who they are. Over time, they will, and actions speak volumes. I’m not talking about anticipating intrigue or counting the mistakes they make. If they’re human, they’re going to make them.
I’m referring to unhealthy or undesired patterns of behavior, not temporary situations; there’s a difference. We are all creatures of habit, so if you are dealing with negative patterns, they will become a consistent concern or a problem. And this is a huge red flag!
And then, there are times you simply outgrow your relationships. Does that mean you rid yourself of those people? Not all the time. If it’s time to move-on, believe me, the signs will be clear. You decide your continued investment of a personal or professional relationship based on its health, performance, and your needs. If you aren’t getting what you need or your return investment on a business deal or with a company, how likely or how long will you stay? Not likely or long if something doesn’t change.
That approach can seem cold and sterile with personal relationships. But in truth, most people will not stay with something or a course of direction that doesn’t work for them. So rather than be in some form of denial, be honest with yourself. Your relationship with yourself and others is always evolving. The more you think you know about yourself, the more you will learn. And the more experiences you have, the more your perspective will change.
Your relationships will always reflect some aspects of who you are and where you are in your learning process. At times, they may even reflect your beliefs at that time in your life. If ever you discover something unhealthy and negative you don’t like about your relationships, you can do something about it and change it.
You can’t control others, but you can control what you do. And if you need help with doing that, seek it out. When you do make the positive changes, the types of relationships in your life will begin to change too.
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Great post! You are right about new relationships and being caught up that we see what we want instead of who they are or worst ignore those signs we should be paying attention too.
I enjoyed your post….puts things into perspective about how long we stay in discomfort with relationships of all types!