Signs He or She Ain’t the One

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How to Know When the Person You Love Just Isn’t the One

Everyone wants to experience love—especially if it’s with a person we believe could be the “One.” Many of us spend our lives looking for that person who is the perfect match to our interests and personality, someone who will stand by us through all of life’s ups and downs, loving us unconditionally and faithfully.

The truth is, not every person you come across (despite how much potential they appear to have) will be the ideal partner. After all, experiencing heartbreak and learning lessons is one of the most important ways we grow as individuals.

“Knowing what’s good for you is recognizing what’s not.”

When you find yourself falling for someone, it brings in a whole new level of emotions and sometimes fears! Then comes the firing range of questions that follow. Is this the person you will spend the rest of your life with, or is this short-term? Can you trust this person to embrace your entire Self—both good and bad? Understanding where we stand with someone we are choosing to give our hearts to is essential, and throughout a relationship, there are bound to be warning signs if that person is not the “One.”

So before you leap head-first into a happily-ever-after, check within yourself to see if any of these five signs are showing you that it’s time to move on to something better:

1. You Have to Censor Parts of Who You Are (Even Some of the Time!)

One of the best parts about a relationship is being able to be 100% yourself with another person. Sure, you may not want to be full throttle all the time, but there should be an ease of being you (all the time). If you find yourself walking on eggshells or dimming down your inner light when you’re around them, the chances are that they are not the ideal fit for you. A temperamental and some-timey relationship is what it’s likely to be. And it’s certainly not going to be on your terms with you having much say in it.

2. A Relationship Based on Need

A true partnership is based upon mutual respect—not need. Not the kind of need that enables and cripples a healthy, organic, and authentic ability to relate to one another. A life partner is not meant to complete you, fix you, be the end-all for you, or save you. Instead, they should complement your strengths and weaknesses as you walk equally down the path of life.

3. You Have Different Life Goals

There is more to a relationship than the “right now.” If you’re in it for the long haul, you best be clear about your goals and those of your potential partner. You have to be on the same page about major milestones and goals. Differences are inevitable, but some differences can end up being deal-breakers. Define your relationship goals for yourself and then match them up with your potential partner to see if you are on the same page.

4. There Is NO Trust

If there ever was a deal breaker, this is it. The most important aspect of being in a relationship with another person is trust. When you’ve found your ideal partner, you won’t be left wondering if they are faithful, honest, and real with you. When trust isn’t present, there is nowhere for the relationship to go, and it can’t grow.

5. You’re Waiting for Them to Change

They say that when a person shows you who they are—believe them the first time. This truth goes for any relationship. Yes, people can change (if they want to and try), but only when they’re ready for it and willing to do it. You shouldn’t have to spend your life waiting for changes that may never come. Worse, believe the lie (because of denial) and get emotionally and financially burned while deliberately deceived.

6. Competition

If your relationship feels more like a competition than a partnership, that’s a red flag. Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader, not your rival. If they constantly try to one-up you or turn every achievement into a contest, it shows a lack of mutual respect and support. A healthy relationship thrives on collaboration, not competition.

7. Jealousy

A little jealousy is normal, but if it becomes a dominant force in your relationship, it’s a problem. Excessive jealousy can lead to controlling behavior and trust issues. If your partner constantly questions your actions and intentions, or you feel like you need to prove your loyalty all the time, it’s a sign that the relationship is unhealthy. Trust and security are key to any successful partnership.

Finding the “One” who will walk with you through this crazy life journey can be an incredible, fulfilling experience. It’s possible, it happens, and it can happen to you. However, we can’t sell ourselves short by trying to make a person out to be someone they’re not! They would only be able to do that for a little while before the real representative shows up anyway. So be authentic at all times and wait it out—while enjoying your life and those you choose to include in it.

Some people come into your life for only a season, but that only makes it that much sweeter when you find the person who will stay for a lifetime.

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